The semi-MILF story
A couple of weeks ago, I was at a bar waiting for a drink when to my surprise a hand falls on my shoulder."Hey! I recognise you!"
Oh shit. Here we go. In front of me was an average height blonde, looked maybe about 35 or so.
Bill: Erm. Where from.
Suddenly, something in my head clicked. I looked at her again.
About a week before that I saw this woman, average height, blonde about 35 or so dancing on her own, next to her friend. She wasn't a good dancer, so I decided to take the oppurtunity to... well you know.
I walked up to her, tapped her on the shoulder and said:
"Excuse me. I just thought that I should tell you that your friend is really embarrassed by the way that you're dancing"
Needless to say, I think I ruined her night.
Anyway.
Bill: Was you in Agenda last week?
Blonde: Erm, no.
Bill: Where do you know me from.
Blonde: You drink in The Bull.
Two things ran through my mind at that precise moment.
1) I haven't drunk in The Bull for about 6 months.
2) If I hadn't had a drink in The Bull for 6 months, then I must have done something for me to stick in her mind. Which lets face it, probably isn't a good thing.
She quickly leads me to the dancefloor attempting to dance dirty with me. To be fair, the old girl wasn't doing too bad, but there's only so much you can enjoy it when all that's running through your mind is that "this is probably someones mother." This didn't stop me getting with her. What can I say, I have no morals.
The 'You're that guy!' Story.
The bus pulls up and I step on and take a seat. It's ten to eight in the morning, so obviously im on my way to work. Not taking care to look at my surroundings I hear a girl say 'Hi Bill.'
Sitting right next to me is a girl I know.
We start conversing and opposite Holly I keep noticing this attractive Blonde girl obviously listening to our conversation and looking like she wants to add a comment.
She eventually does, turns out she's Holly's friend. As quick as anything she says:
' Your that guy that insults all the women aren't you.
Holly: Oh God, what have you done now?
Bill: Haha.
Blonde: Listen, I dont agree with anything you say, but the things that you do say are so funny.
This is my cue to be even more 'funny'. I start telling her things like women should stay at home and cook, clean etcetera etcetera. To be honest I was so 'funny' that I would have made Chuck Norris laugh.
Much to my surprise this whale of a women gets up and upon leaving says to the Blonde.
"Dont worry darling, he will wake up one day in his pokey little flat and realise that he's alone"
I reply:
"Are you serious? For your information I have my own house asshole. I have to congratulate you. You have just been marked down on that list. You know, the ones that should have been partially aborted at birth."
I would just like to add that I have, at this point, only been awake for less than an hour and still I can come out with such genius.
