Friday 14/11/2008

It is clear that I haven't posted in a while. My nights lately haven't been as debaucherous as usual and there is a reason for it.
My goal has somewhat changed recently. Where in the past, I would go with the flow, cause anarchy and get with a girl by chance, I am now aiming for a target to reach every night. The target- a girl. Nobody in particular, just anyone that takes my fancy.
I have come to realise that picking up women isn't down to chance. It is an exact science and although the 'routine' to do it is unclear to me now, I have devoted my nights out to not just to get drunk, but to figure out this routine. With help from a few female friends, I have devised a strategy and narrowed it down to something unperfected but field tested.
Some field tests however went quite wrong and I have decided to post them.

The "Dude that's my girlfriend" story

I was standing at the bar waiting to be served one time, I had been there for a good fifteen minutes or so and was fed up of waiting on my own. To my left was a good looking blonde girl, so I thought "Fuck it, might as well make this interesting." I turned to her and rolled my eyes, she smiled at me, initiating the first phase- Acknowledgement.

"I hate these fucking ques, by the time you get served, you sober up!"
She laughed, agreed and we were away. I introduced myself, she did too and we began to talk about what we do for a living and stuff.
"I work in London," I said "But I study Spiritual Psychology for a University degree."
She was hooked straight away. She asked me what this involves and I told her how emotions can be manipulated and changed by using certain sequences. I also explained that if I was to give her a scenario and ask questions that I could pin point her personality.
Inevitably she asked me to demonstrate. Which I did, using Neil Strauss' "The Cube."

Bill: Ok, let pretend you're in the middle of nowhere. Say a desert. In front of you is a cube. How big is this cube?
Girl: It's very small. Like a sugarcube.
Bill: Ok. What colour is it.
Girl: It's red.
Bill: Ok good. Now is the cube transparent or opaque.
Girl: Opaque.
Bill: Hmmm. Ok, choose an animal.
Girl: A dog.

She starts laughing. Being quite enticed by the whole situation. I'm hoping that the barman doesn't come along and break our moment.

Bill: Ok, positionally, where is the dog in relation to the cube.
Girl: Inside it.

This is where you have to think fast. Each answer she gives is a fraction of her personality. My job is now to make up some shit that could relate to her with each of her answers.

Bill: Ok, the cube represents your ego or you as a person. Your cube is very small, which means that your quite an unconfident person, am I right?
Girl: Yeah, I guess I am. I don't like meeting new people and I feel uncomfortable around people I don't know.
Bill: The cube is red. Red signifies passion. That means that you are quite a passionate person, whether it be with friends, family, ambitions or whatever.
Girl: Yeah totally.
Bill: The fact that your cube is opaque means that you keep everything inside. It's hard to look inside you and therefore it's hard for you to confide in someone.
Girl: Oh my God. You are describing me so well.
Bill: The fact that you chose a dog- the symbol for "mans best friend" and that it is inside you, means that you are looking for a lifetime companion or already have one.

Ironically at this point, an old friend comes out of nowhere and says "Dude, this is my girlfriend."

All that hard work gone to waste.

The Foreigner story

It was a normal Thursday catch up between me and [Hyde], just sitting with a drink, chatting and watching the football. Three girls sit down in front of us, two of them being hot, one of them not. The not-so-hot one seemed to be the leader of the group. This was going to be a challenge.

I jump straight in.

Bill: Sorry girls. Can I ask your opinion of something?
Girls: Yeah. Sure.
Bill: I bought this jacket a couple of days ago. It cost a lot of money and I'm not sure it suite me. What do you think? Now be honest because I would rather take it back if it looked stupid.
Ugly Girl: It looks great. Really stylish.
Hot Girl #1: I dont understand. (In a Spanish accent.)
The ugly girl started translating the conversation for Hot Girl #1. This had disaster written all over it. How can I start a deep conversation with someone who doesn't even understand. The other hot girl was shy and didn't say a word at all.
Inevitably, I just thanked the girls and walked off. I couldn't hack such a slow moving conversation, despite the Spanish girl being the hottest girl I have seen in a very long time.

Quite simply the work/reward balance wasn't good enough.