Wednesday 17/09/08

I know it's only been a couple of days since I posted, but I have a story from the past that has tickled me somewhat recently. I told a few people it to test the waters and they laughed enough for me to consider it for a post.

A few years ago, I was at a good friend of mines house (we will call him John), when I say good friend, I mean someone I know that I sort of liked enough to hang out with. Anyway, he had a house, I was there.

We had the sort of 'relationship' if you like, where we could sit at opposite ends of the house and do our own thing. He, on his laptop in the front room and I on my laptop in the backroom.

I can hear him laughing, out loud, on numerous occasions. I wasn't sure whether he was laughing to make a point, you know, when people want you to ask what they are laughing at, or whether there was something genuinly funny that I should know about. Intrigued and filled with curiosity I ask him, "Dude what are you laughing at"

John: Im in a chat room talking to some girl. Shes talking all kinky.
Bill: You dirty bastard.

An idea sweeps across my mind. I laugh to myself.

Bill: What chat room are you on?

He tells me. I log in as "Hot Sexy Blonde" and change my display picture to a cartoon of some Blonde whore. I scroll through the users and see "John horny England." That has to be him.

I begin a chat. This is to as far as I can remember. Although not exact, this is the general gist of it.

Bill: Hey honey
John: Hey asl.
Bill: 16/f/uk england...u?

Remember this was a few years ago. So 16 isnt young, its how old we were. He may be desperate but he aint a kiddy fiddler.

John:16/m/uk
Bill: Cool...Whats your name honey.
John: [John] What about you?
Bill: Im Sarah... Im so horny.

The conversation goes on. I chat him up and John was loving it. I keep hearing him laughing. So I ask again. "Dude what are you laughing at now?" he replies that he's talking to some girl called Sarah. I hold back laughter.
I keep telling him how "wet" I am, he tells me that he's hard. This is pretty much how teenagers like him get off. Its time to pull the plug.

Bill (as Sarah): Do you wanna have phone sex?
John: Yeah sure. ( I remember him trying to sound all cool about it. But really he was losing his shit. This was this guys "action".
John: Whats your number?

I give him my mobile number to call, hoping that he doesn't use his mobile, as my name will come up on the screen.

John: Bill! Pass me the house phone.
Bill: What for?
John: Im going to have phone sex.

I really try to hold back the laughter. Is he actually going to go through with this? Im in the next room for fuck sake. Luckily I remembered to put my phone on silent, so that he didn't hear the ringing. I literally just put my phone on silent a split second before it started to ring.

I gain myself some composure. Hold back the laughing.

I answer and in a "sexy woman voice" say: Hello?

John: Hi, how are you? (He's trying to act cool, but really isn't)
Bill: Im so horny.
At this point I start laughing. How can you not? I was in hysterics and the poor bastard probably had is cock flopped out. It's probably a good job that I stopped it there, the last thing I wanted to hear was some idiot panting down the phone.
John: You bastard! I knew it was you.

No you didn't. That's just a defence mechanism. People say "I knew it was you" when they are embarassed. It didn't stop there though. I told a few people at school about it. Select friends obviously, and they all thought it was funny and as I said earlier, I recalled it to a few people at work recently and they also thought it was funny.
I lost contact with this guy a while back. He added me on Facebook not so long ago, but it's funny how your Facebook is filled with people that you never talk to, mainly because they are just complete imbecils who think that now they have left school everything has changed. Well it hasn't, but I add them any way. Even the losers get a chance to be associated with me in some way.