Im not going to lie to anybody. Last night was a very havy drinking session. I was so drunk that I knew I was very drunk. I didn't even need to be sick. I was past hitting a wall. I jumped the wall and it's all clear from here on. It's 11am Saturday and a stagger home, one cigarette, several stomach cramps later I decide to write this entry.
The night started with me and Jack. Where? The Goose obviously. We christened the night and begun with 2 jugs of Speedball each and 2 Sambuca's each. While waiting for our drinks I start talking to 2 girls. Jack watches. At one point I said to them "Did you know it's Alpha Male night tonight. Im the leader of the group, nice to meet you. We're over there if you need us" (Point to our table) The first shot was toasted to Jack's unborn child.
Sub Story: Remember when Jack showed me the scratches on his back from some whore. Well let's just say that Jack is going to be a father. I was under strict instructions not to tell anybody, so I wound him up by myself. I claimed Godfather and promised to forget all of the childs birthday's, Christmas' and Easter's. I promised that I would forget it's name and teach it how to drink, how to down pints fast. Jack says "This could be good for me. I could get a council flat, be living on my own." I give him just one blank expression. Is this guy serious? This is the worst thing that could possibly happen to an Alpha Male. Responsibility isn't Jacks thing. It's not mine either admittedly. Jack then realises that there is no bright side to this. "I could push her down the stairs. Punch her in the stomach or something. Shes not keeping it. I will be a terrible Dad." Yes you will Jack. "I am shitting my pants. Im not telling my mum" So when your childs mother comes round with a toddler what are you going to tell her. "Hey this is Johnny, he's a good friend of mine" I dont think so.
Personally I find this funny. But purely because it's not happening to me. I can deeply sympathise with the guy. But I wont. He is well and truly fucked.
The second toast was to the Godfather. (Thats me) The sambucas definately done the trick. I haven't had a drink for a week, and this hit my stomach. I feel sick after the second one. We take a seat. Get drunk. Surprisingly quickly.
On our table is a flask/jug/test tube looking drinking thing and some tissue. I put the tissue in it, half hanging out. Pick the flask up and shout "Look it's the olympic torch" and put it back down. Jack being the imbecilic little drunk that he is, decides to get his lighter out and set the tissue alight- Just as a barman is coming to collect it. He tells the bouncers. I get the feeling that we are leaving fairly soon.
James arrives. Doesn't say hello just goes straight to the bar. Iv'e said it before and I'll say it again. This guy has his priorities straight.
I call Rob, tell him to come out. He says that he is shopping and doesn't intend to come out tonight. I tell him that the size of his vagina lately shocks me.
Jack phones the mother of his child. Tells her that she isn't keeping it. Screams "whore" down the phone and hangs up. This is hilarious. He just screamed whore at the mother of his child in the middle of a packed pub. The pub goes silent for a second and everyone looks at him. The funny thing is. When Jack shouts or scream, his face goes red and he shakes. Im going to make a video of it sometime and post it.
We soon go to a club. We meet Phil, Mike, and Howard in there. £1.50 a drink before 11. I order 2 beers... and a vodka and coke. I also order another 2 vodka and cokes. Fuck it, its cheap I can handle it. I take a picture of this round. Unfortunately this is the only photo I have of this night out. The thing is. I remember taking a lot of photos. Just obviously not with my camera.
I see a few girls I know from school. Grab their boobs and tell everyone that one of the girls is a lesbian. She's bisexual, but thats not as funny. Greedy bitch.
I get more drunk with Phil, Mike, James and Jack. I see one of the whores from last week and decide to tell her that "I didnt know what I was doing, I must've been very drunk." She looks at me with hate. "You just gave me a look filled with disapointment and disgust. I like that in a woman." I think this girl hates me. Fuck her.
Rob calls.
Rob: Dude where are you?
Bill: In Liquid. Where are you?
Rob: In the que.
Bill: Rob has conformed. I knew you would.
Rob: Ill call you when I'm inside.
Apparently Jacks secret is out. He's telling everybody he knows and sees. I stands on a wall. Raises his arms and declares "I GOT SOME WHORE PREGNANT" He then starts telling every girl around him. Obviously, to Jack, getting a girl pregnant is some sort of achievement. A trophy. A good chat-up line. He's telling girls as if this sort of thing makes them moist.
At this point I generally feel sorry for him. He looks like hes about to cry. But its probably because he has smoke in his eye. His mum calls him.
Apparently this is how the conversation went:
Mum: Jack. What time are you coming home.
Jack: I've got a girl pregnant.
(He's told her, he is going to regret that tomorrow.)
Mum: You fucking idiot.
I tell Phil that i'm ready to leave. I feel very drunk. So drunk that my limit has been reached. One more drink would be a very bad idea. He says also. We find Rob.
Phil leaves. I dont even know about this.
Rob takes me back to his where I stay for the night. Not where I intended to stay. I intended to go home.
So I wake up this morning, not really sure where I am. I'm sleeping in the bedroom that i've never slept before. I ask myself. Didn't Rob bring me back here this morning? Im sure he did.
Surreal moment.
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